Monday, June 25, 2012

Dear Caroline


The following is an email exchange between me and a friend of mine who’s an extremely talented musician and who, in the 25 years I’ve known her, has done everything in her power NOT to share her amazing talent….

dear caroline:

your homework is due.

6 weeks ago i challenged you to perform one live gig and to line up another gig by today…and you accepted my challenge.

how was your gig? did you feel nervous? excited? both? was the audience receptive? did you receive a standing ovation? or did they boo? did you leave feeling proud...that you had done your best...or that you held something back?

if you didn't perform anywhere, and you haven't lined up a gig, then i renew my challenge. the venue can be anywhere...invite someone who's a friend to join you if that'll make it easier. but you need to have something at stake. that's the difference between a professional and an amateur.  put your guitar case on the ground with the top open. or a tip jar. or a coconut shell.  

do you accept?

if you didn't step up to the plate, i invite you to ask yourself the following questions:

1. why did i accept this challenge?
2. why didn't i deliver the goods?
3. do i think i have anything to offer a musical audience? in other words...am i "good"?
4. if the answer to #3 is no, then why not?
5. do i really want to be a musician, or do i just like the idea of being a musician?
6. what are the possible outcomes if i perform solo in front of an audience?
a. they will think i suck and i'll be revealed as the no-talent impostor i think i am.
b. they'll boo and throw rotten tomatoes at me
c. they'll tell all their friends how bad i am and i'll never be able to pick up a guitar or sing in public or show my face in this town again.
d. i will die of shame
e. i'll be the next grammy award winning female vocalist and/or songwriter of the year
f. none of the above...i will simply have the experience of performing live, of taking the challenge, of throwing my hat in the ring, of getting in the game. and...i can say to myself "you did it!"  then i can decide whether i want to do it again.

btw, if the answer to #5 is no...i love music, i love playing music and being around musicians but i just don't want to be in the spotlight or i'm not ready to take this on right now or i just want to keep music as a hobby (which is a great idea...i can’t think of a more surefire way to whip the life and soul out of something you love doing than to do it for a living) then that is completely ok...

but if the answer is "yes, i want to be a REAL musician, then why am i making excuses, which may include, but are not limited to:
a. i've been busy moving house
b. when i come home from work i'm too tired
c. i've got a lot going on right now
d. i've been preoccupied with this, that or the other thing.

just so you know…all of those excuses are exactly that…excuses. they're a smoke screen for fear. fear of failure? or maybe fear of success?  what would happen if you are really as good as i think you are...then what?

do you feel upset right now? annoyed? unjustly accused? agitated? defensive? angry? if so, then maybe what i'm saying has some truth to it. if you're not having any of those responses, then you've either got a legitimate excuse, or you're dead. which is a legitimate excuse.

by now you're probably thinking "enough already....just leave me alone!"  if so, my response is:

1. i care about you and for as long as i've known you i've thought you were an amazing musician, guitar player, singer and song writer. the world would be a better place if more people heard you play and sing...or even if they heard other people play and sing music you've written...although that wouldn't be nearly as enjoyable. by not stepping up to the plate...even if it means complete "failure" (there is no such thing by the way)...then you are depriving the rest of us…you are being selfish with your talent.

2. here's the kicker....this is actually a letter to myself.

i'll leave you with a few quotes and a link to a friend's blog. he writes music and sings and performs all the time.  has for years…and he’d be the first to tell you it’s really scary.

much love...
           
john
           
"You gain strength, courage and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to to look fear in the face ...You must do the thing you think you cannot do."
           
            :: Eleanor Roosevelt ::
           
            "Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it.
            Boldness has genius, power and magic in it. Begin it now."
           
            :: Goethe ::
           
            "Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature, nor do the children of men
            as a whole experience it. Avoiding danger is no safer in the long run than outright exposure. Life is either a daring adventure, or nothing."
           
            :: Helen Keller ::
           
            

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hey caroline:

i sent you an email and haven't heard back from you.

are you ok?  alive?  in a ditch?  in the hospital?

talk to me....

love,

j.
_____________________________________________________________




dear john...

I apologize for my delay in responding to your heartfelt letter...I have been composing a response since I got it...but have been in the throes of...playing music!...

so many things you said confronted me...it is a worthy challenge to anyone pursuing a creative path...I like what you said at the end about it being a letter to you, really :)

when my assignment was due, I can say that I succeeded, at least in part to your challenge...though not completely...I spent a weekend playing my original music at the Kerrville folk festival...it's not as informal a place as you might think, I played for some heavy hitters...I was singing non-stop and stepping up to the solo plate to perform for friends and strangers alike...including some very discriminating song circles...

your questions are so valid...and I do appreciate the supportive spirit of your "assignments"...you are quite right...it's high time to step up...that's what I'm doing...you have had a part in nudging me...I am grateful my friend...
           
again, I'm sorry for the delay to your notes...I took it seriously, and wanted to reply when I could honor both of us properly...I didn't intend to take so long...

caroline

p.s. the very day I got your second challenge I was offered a solo gig in Austin playing for a private party...I performed last weekend with my friend Will Taylor who accompanied me on viola


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wow! that's fantastic news! congratulations! salud! mazel tov!

i am so pleased and tickled to hear that you're "doing it"! you seemed almost apologetic that kerrville folk festival wasn't the real deal. it IS the real deal. i actually thought of kerrville as a possible venue from the very beginning.

and isn't it interesting that no sooner had you stepped out on the tight rope than your intention attracted another opportunity to perform. not at all coincidental in my humble opinion. and the fact that it was will taylor, who has played with some big names in the music world, is further validation that others, who know alot more about music than i do, also appreciate your talent.

and to further underscore the synchronicity of all this, i was feeling "guilty"....(i hate that word and that feeling) that i hadn't posted anything to my blog lately....and i was just proof reading my latest entry when i got your message.

how 'bout them apples?

j.

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love them apples! I don't think those opportunities, born from taking the tight-rope step, are coincidental either..."one thing can lead to another...it doesn't take any sacrifice..." (james taylor, shower the people you love with love)...

I'm happy to say I'll be opening a show for Steve Weichert at the Cactus Cafe on Sat night...July 14th too...

btw, I'm looking into a train ride from austin to flagstaff, az and the grand canyon for my 50th birthday...that. is. my. intention!

you have been such a good friend to care enough to pester me so...love you dear...thank you...

caroline

1 comment:

  1. Hi Caroline,
    Congratulations!! I've been right in the same boat as you, fearful that my jazz chops on guitar aren't good enough to join the other musicians at "jazz church" every Sunday night. Your exchange here with my buddy John is a great motivator to finish learning the solo to Miles Davis' "So What" and get up on stage.

    Also, I wanted to invite you to drop me a line if you're ever passing through Durango, Colorado. And bring your guitar. My wife Cheryl and I would love to play some songs with you!

    And John, that's an open invitation for you, as well. If/when you come back to CONUS, stop by and we'll fire up the grill.

    Thank you both for the love and inspiration!
    All the best,
    Tim (timbirchard@gmail.com / www.timbirchard.bandcamp.com)

    ReplyDelete