My Heart is On Fire!

My sister Devra and I had been estranged for more than a year. No visits, no emails, no phone calls, nothing. I also hadn't had any contact with my niece Ellis, who was four years old the last time I saw her.

One day, out of the blue, I received the following email from my sister:

Date: Tue, 9 Feb 2010 16:37:52 -0800 (PST)
To: John Langford john@johnlangford.com
Subject: conversation with ellis

John,
Here's a conversation I had with Ellis while I was driving her to school this morning:

Ellis: Mom. I want you to get married

Me: OK. Me too

Ellis: Can I come to the wedding?

Me: Of course

Ellis: Are you gonna dance at your wedding?

Me: Yep

Ellis: Can I dance too?

Me: Of course. Do you want to dance with me?

Ellis: No, I want my own dance

Me: Who would you like to dance with?

Ellis: Uncle John

About three months and many emails later, Devra needed to come to Austin for a sales meeting, so she and Ellis stayed for the weekend. Devra and I talked until the wee hours, and when I woke up the next morning and walked into the kitchen to fire up the coffee pot, Ellis emerged from the guest room while her mom got a little more shut-eye.

I wasn't quite awake yet, and unprepared for the barrage of questions that are part of a well-rested five year old's morning routine. As I attempted to lubricate my synapses with caffeine, her eyes turned to the woodblock print hanging above my fireplace.

"What's that a picture of Uncle John?" she inquired.

Rather than spoon-feeding her a "grown up" answer, I wanted to see what would happen if I answered her question with a question.

"What do you think it's a picture of Ellis?" I replied

"It looks like a heart and some thorns."

"That's what it looks like to me too."

"Why is the heart on fire?"

"Why do you think it's on fire?"

"I don't know."

"Well, to me, the fire stands for all the good feelings in life, like happiness and joy and love...like the way I love you."

"And what about the thorns?"

"What do you think they mean?"

"I don't know."

"Well, those might mean all the feelings like sadness, or being angry or lonely or afraid."

"I'm afraid of the dark."

"Yeah...I was too when I was your age. But you'll grow out of it."Just then her mom emerged from the bedroom, desperately in need of coffee, so my conversation with Ellis ended.

Later that afternoon, Devra left Ellis in my care while she went to her meeting. I took Ellis to a crawfish boil where I knew there would be lots of other kids there and a trampoline, and mountains of food.

There was a Cajun band playing, and Ellis was fascinated by the accordion, so I asked her if she wanted to dance. She and I have a tradition of turning up the stereo really loud and jumping around like a couple of lunatics, but that's only because I know she won't make fun of me. I'm ultra self-conscious when it comes to dancing in public, especially when I'm the only one dancing and it's broad daylight. But I picked Ellis up and held her hand as if we were waltzing, and we started swaying to the music.

When the song ended and I set her down, she made a bee-line for the trampoline, and pretty soon she was assigning time slots to the other, much older kids. I wandered over to where a group of my friends was chatting and joined the conversation.

Some time passed, and then I heard Ellis hollering in the background. I turned to face her, but I couldn't understand what she was saying as she jumped up and down with a big grin on her face.

"What?" I said.

She continued to shout in her raspy voice, but I still couldn't decipher what she was saying.

Walking closer, I said "What?"

Again, I couldn't understand her reply.

I walked to the edge of the trampoline and finally I heard her clearly....

"Uncle John! My heart is on fire!"

Many thanks and much love to my friend Irene Perez Omer for creating the print entitled "Communion"...a word which has additional meaning to me now. You can see more of her work at www.iconarts.com