I've Got a Buzz...How 'Bout U?

 

Do you ever wanna cut off all your hair?

Me too!  Frequently.  But someone always talks me out of it.  Or I resist the urge.

But this time I didn't.  It's fun to be impulsive and shake things up every once in a while.  Or maybe it's a cry for help.

Friday night I went to a party.  Apparently I didn't get the memo that you were supposed to wear orange and be a young, hip, extremely attractive person with thick, curly, black hair and flawless skin the color of mocha, and have an exotic name like Bijoy or Zion.

Instead, I came dressed as an uptight, middle-aged white guy wearing a shirt I bought on sale at Steinmart.  Good thing I forgot to bring the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on Wonder Bread®.

But they let me in anyway.

Stranded

Tonight I went downtown to meet my friends Kinuthia and Leticia, who got married last December.  Leticia is pregnant with their first child, so inevitably the topic came up of whether they'd opt for circumcision if it's a boy.

They're both from the Kikuyu tribe in Kenya, and tradition dictates that a boy's passage from boyhood to manhood takes place around his 13th birthday.  Part of this ritual includes circumcision.  OUCH!  I hope it's a girl.

As I left them, pondering our discussion, I encountered a homeless guy who introduced himself as Max from Hattiesburg, Mississippi.  As we walked the 3 blocks to where my car was parked, Max told about his stint as a cook in Houston, and how he had to give up the bottle after he had a stroke. When we got there, my car wasn't.  It had been towed.

I let loose a string of expletives, not just because of the $200.oo it was gonna cost me to get my vehicle out of hock and pay the parking ticket, but because of the inconvenience and the fact that I've parked in this spot dozens of time without incident.  Well, there was that one time.

Meanwhile, my new acquaintance Max was scavenging for cigarette butts in the cracks in the pavement next to a nearby dumpster, and by the time I got off the phone with the Austin Police Department, I was furious.  What a buzz kill.

As I was commiserating with Max about my misfortune and how much it was gonna cost, he asked "You wouldn't happen to have any spare change, would you?"  

I had to laugh out loud. "As a matter of fact, I do" I replied. "Here's a coupla bucks".

As Max shuffled off down the sidewalk, I had to re-evaluate my situation.  I have a car that runs and a friend nearby I could call on my iPhone to pick me up and drive me to the impound yard. I have a comfortable home that's air-conditioned when it's warm outside, and heated when it's cold.  I have a bathroom with hot and cold running water and a shower that I don't have to share with anyone.  I have a comfortable bed and plenty of clothes and shoes, and a washer and dryer and a stove and refrigerator.  And I never have to worry about where my next meal is coming from. 

And I've already been circumcised.

Bruce Lee, Barbie's Birthday and My First Kiss

Today is Barbie's 50th birthday.

The doll created by Mattel in 1959 reached the half century mark this year. But the Barbie I'm talking about was the first girl I kissed.

I was 15 years old, and hadn't ever kissed anyone on the lips before, other than my great-aunt, and that was against my will. When Aunt Jewel puckered up, you had to just grit your teeth and take it like a tetanus shot. She had a wispy mustache, smelled like baby powder and wore bright red lipstick which leaked into the creases around her mouth...a memory which came flooding back to me the first time I saw a satellite photo of the Nile Delta.

But Barbie obviously had some experience in the smooching department. It lasted only a few seconds, but that first kiss rocked me back on my heels. The feeling was kinda like your first leap off the high dive...terrifying, unfamiliar and thrilling all at the same time. I wanted to try it again.

Walking home that night, feeling 10 feet tall and bullet-proof, I passed the home of Bruce Lee. Yes, that Bruce Lee. He lived in our neighborhood in Hong Kong, and I remember thinking "You may be the world's greatest martial artist, but right now, I'm pretty sure I could take you!"

Barbie and I have stayed in sporadic contact over the years. We both live in Texas, but we never see each other. We're friends on facebook and we e-mail each other once a year or so. I called her today and sang "Happy Birthday" to her voicemail.

She has the same birthday as my brother James, who died when he was 21 and I was 24. There aren't too many people in my life nowadays who knew James, but Barbie did. He would have been 47 today...but in my mind he'll always be that skinny 21 year old guy with a big grin and sad eyes.

And Barbie will always be that 15 year old girl who gave me my first kiss.

Collaboration

A phenomenally talented creative director and graphic designer, Kendall Witherspoon, contacted me about the possibility of collaborating on a project just for fun. 

We're getting together tomorrow to talk more about that, but in the meantime I e-mailed him a photo I shot recently, to see what he could do with it. 

Here are 11 variations he came up with...amazing!!  You can check out more of Kendall's work, as well as his blog, at www.thinkspoon.com

Click on each image to enlarge

Ethiopian Encounter

There's an obscure story in the Bible about a chance encounter between an Ethiopian eunuch and a guy named Philip who hitches a ride in the eunuch's chariot and then vanishes without paying the fare. The "Eunuch's Chariot"...isn't that the name of the new hybrid car from Chrysler?

But I digress...last night, my friend Tracey and I caught a cab driven by an Ethiopian guy named Abraham. We struck up a conversation, and when we arrived at our destination, I asked him to write down the name of the musician we'd be listening to on the car stereo.

Instead, Abraham pressed "eject" and handed me the CD. I protested, but he insisted. I loves me some international hospitality...thanks Abraham! The artist's name is Teddy Afro... you can check out his music here.

In the Bible story, Philip ends up baptizing the Ethiopian eunuch before evaporating into thin air. Instead, Tracey and I went skinny-dipping. The water was kinda chilly, so I sorta felt like a eunuch if you know what I mean andithinkyoudo.

Our late night adventure took place at the Hotel St. Cecilia. Turns out she's the patron saint of musicians and church music...I loves me some synchronicity!

Get Cool New Look

My friend Kathy is an elementary school teacher.

One of her students, Danny, is autistic, and often says and does things that are funny and endearing. Like one day he said to her "Mrs. G, you're really tall. I respect that!"

The other day he was completely agitated as he came running into class. He kept muttering over and over, "I need to make my list....I need to make my list!" Kathy handed him a pencil and paper, and he started scribbling frantically.

After class, Kathy found the following list on Danny's desk:

1. Get cool new look

2. Win dance off

3. Start club

4. Eat cheese

5. Go on an adventure

Words to live by...Atta boy, Danny!

Buffer Zone

Last night I went to the movies with my buddy Jonathan.

We arrived kinda late, and the theater was already packed. We spotted two empty seats, one on either side of a guy who was sitting by himself, so we asked him if the seats were taken. As he turned towards us to respond, we both recognized him from the neighborhood pub, so we asked if he'd mind sliding over so the two of us could sit together.

“Actually, I WOULD mind” he responded. “I like to keep an empty seat on each side of me as a buffer zone.”

I thought he was pulling a very convincing practical joke. It’s Friday night at a crowded movie theater and we both know this guy…in fact, I’ve talked to him at length on more than one occasion.

I grinned and repeated my request: “Seriously, how ‘bout sliding over? The movie’s about to start and there’s no place to sit.”

Turns out he wasn’t kidding.

People around us started to laugh nervously...no one could believe this guy was actually serious. Loud enough for those sitting nearby to hear, I said “Then how ‘bout we sit on each side of you and the three of us can snuggle up nice and cozy?” thinking that would embarrass him enough to get him to move over.

“That would really suck!” he retorted, glaring at me. I couldn’t believe it!

Just then, Jonathan spotted two seats on the other side of the aisle, and we sat down just as the lights dimmed.

In a rare moment of detachment and clarity, I realized that there was no way I could take this situation personally. It’s simply his policy when he goes to a movie to try to hang on to three seats, despite having only paid for one. I might not agree with his policy (and I don’t!) but if he has the audacity to defend it, I kinda gotta hand it to him.

The cool thing was, I never felt upset or angry. Disbelief...sure. Incredulity…you bet! But it was interesting to simply observe how his view of things was so different from mine. And so impractical, it turns out, because five or six other people asked if those seats were vacant, and he eventually had to relent and give up his “buffer zone”.

So why do I get upset about stupid stuff all the time? 

It's usually when I'm suffering from the delusion that things "should" be a certain way. And last time I checked, the Constitution hasn't been amended to include "John's Rules of Order". 

Epictetus, the Stoic philosopher, expressed it well: "Do not seek to bring things to pass in accordance with your wishes, but wish for them as they are, and you will find them." My guess is I'll probably need about 38,756 more attempts before I become proficient.  

Maybe the next time there are no empty tables at the pub, I’ll ask Mr. Buffer Zone if he’d like to join us.