Inside Abe Lincoln's Nose

Please note: I did NOT take any of the photos which accompany this blog post. I DID, however, paint the portrait of George Washington which is used on the one dollar bill. And the idea for Mount Rushmore was stolen from me. Except it was gonna be the Monkees.
I just received a note in the mail from my college buddy and former room mate Dr. Mark Guy, who is originally from Rapid City, South Dakota...home of Mount Rushmore. As if that weren't enough claim to fame, Mark was also featured in the August 1971 issue of Sports Illustrated as the state wrestling champ in his age group.Typically, Sport Illustrated runs a photo of an athlete on its cover, but this particular issue featured actor Steve McQueen, star of The Great Escape, which includes one of the best movie stunts of all time, in which a U.S. prisoner of war jumps a motorcycle over a 60ft. fence!

Speaking of motorcycles, and claims to fame, here's a photo of Mark's brother Dave at Sturgis Bike Week with Aerosmith lead singer Steven Tyler. That's Dave on the right. But I digress.He suggested that when I die (Dr. Guy that is, not Steven Tyler) instead of having my ashes scattered at San Solomon Springs in West Texas, I should consider having them snorted up President Lincoln's nose. Incidentally, Dr. Guy is an otorhinolaryngologist, so I feel it's imperative to pay close attention to his recommendations regarding matters of the ears, nose and disposal of human remains.

More importantly, how is it that I'm just now finding out about the suction tubes inside Abe's nostrils? I logged on to the interweb and found this photo of theom in Teddy Roosevelt's forehead. Too bad they didn't include Ben Franklin. Think of the seating capacity inside that massive cranium!  Or maybe the bills are covered by the admission fee to see "An Evening at Ford's Theater" inside Lincoln's head. Don't miss the "Entry Wound" exhibit in the rear.

It dawned on me that George Washington's head must be where they print the $1 bills. Ever notice how his eyes follow you no matter where you go in South Dakota? Creepy.

 And Thomas Jefferson's head is where all the $10 bills are printed, as well as those fake copies of the Declaration of Independence you can buy in the gift shop at Independence Hall or on any street corner in Philadelphia.

I wonder if the people who work at Mt. Rushmore get paid in ones or tens.