Buffer Zone

Last night I went to the movies with my buddy Jonathan.

We arrived kinda late, and the theater was already packed. We spotted two empty seats, one on either side of a guy who was sitting by himself, so we asked him if the seats were taken. As he turned towards us to respond, we both recognized him from the neighborhood pub, so we asked if he'd mind sliding over so the two of us could sit together.

“Actually, I WOULD mind” he responded. “I like to keep an empty seat on each side of me as a buffer zone.”

I thought he was pulling a very convincing practical joke. It’s Friday night at a crowded movie theater and we both know this guy…in fact, I’ve talked to him at length on more than one occasion.

I grinned and repeated my request: “Seriously, how ‘bout sliding over? The movie’s about to start and there’s no place to sit.”

Turns out he wasn’t kidding.

People around us started to laugh nervously...no one could believe this guy was actually serious. Loud enough for those sitting nearby to hear, I said “Then how ‘bout we sit on each side of you and the three of us can snuggle up nice and cozy?” thinking that would embarrass him enough to get him to move over.

“That would really suck!” he retorted, glaring at me. I couldn’t believe it!

Just then, Jonathan spotted two seats on the other side of the aisle, and we sat down just as the lights dimmed.

In a rare moment of detachment and clarity, I realized that there was no way I could take this situation personally. It’s simply his policy when he goes to a movie to try to hang on to three seats, despite having only paid for one. I might not agree with his policy (and I don’t!) but if he has the audacity to defend it, I kinda gotta hand it to him.

The cool thing was, I never felt upset or angry. Disbelief...sure. Incredulity…you bet! But it was interesting to simply observe how his view of things was so different from mine. And so impractical, it turns out, because five or six other people asked if those seats were vacant, and he eventually had to relent and give up his “buffer zone”.

So why do I get upset about stupid stuff all the time? 

It's usually when I'm suffering from the delusion that things "should" be a certain way. And last time I checked, the Constitution hasn't been amended to include "John's Rules of Order". 

Epictetus, the Stoic philosopher, expressed it well: "Do not seek to bring things to pass in accordance with your wishes, but wish for them as they are, and you will find them." My guess is I'll probably need about 38,756 more attempts before I become proficient.  

Maybe the next time there are no empty tables at the pub, I’ll ask Mr. Buffer Zone if he’d like to join us.